Stay at Home Moms>Idenity Crisis>Anxiety

As we love being with our children and being there for our spouses. One thing is for sure, Stay-at-Home Moms can fake smiles. Back in the “Leave to Beaver” days there were so many Moms/Wives on Valium or who were drinking because of the stress and loss of identity.

So why would stay at home moms have so much stress? Isn’t going to work and juggling it all more stressful? The answer is that stay at home moms are more stressful the work out of the home moms for one reason alone, they do not get the “adult” interaction like working moms.

When was the last time you spoke to an adult outside of your spouse? When was the last time you got to get away from your home for 8 hours? Stay at home moms work 24/7. Cleaning over and over again, constantly at beck and call for everyone, managing everything without a break. With this a mom can lose their identity.

You are no longer a woman. You are a mom and a wife, chef, maid, plumber, mechanic, shopper, handy woman, laundry mat, taxi, tax preparer, organizer, coach, seamstress, psychologist, Nurse, spiritual guide, etc.

Anxiety and Panic attacks are one of the major signs of doing too much. Most stay at home moms cannot turn off their brains even when they are sleeping for that 5 hours a night. Imagine adding a home business to this mix and now you are completely overwhelmed.

So how can I help guide you to relieve some of this stress? Here are some pointers:

1) Delegate housework. Who cares if it is done the way you want it to be done. As long as someone is helping that is all that matters.

2) PLAN MEALS! Shop on Saturdays and plan out your meals for the entire week. Make sure to have your grocery list handy.

3) Prepare all snacks, cut up fruit and veggis. Cut up things you use all week like onions, peppers, carrots etc. Make food easy access. You can also cook ground hamburger ahead of time and chicken to use during the week.

4) Every morning while the kids are getting ready for school I pack lunches and clean the two main rooms, living room and kitchen. This helps to have two less rooms to do during the day.

5) Do at least to loads of laundry a day, the earlier the better.

6) Stick to a schedule with your kids. This will bring some order to the house. When they get home from school they must do their homework and chores before anything else.

7) Take an hour a day to relax and think of nothing. Or go out to lunch, read a book.

8) Have a date night with your spouse.

9) Have a date night with your friends. If you do not have any friends they go by yourself.

10) Stay connected to other Moms online. Search for forums or websites that have other Stay at home moms.

Lastly, if your identity crisis and anxiety has gotten the best of you please seek help through a psychologist. Getting help is the best thing you can do for yourself and those around you. Anti-depressants can be a God sent!

Rebecca  Lomis-Stephan

Stay at Home Mom of 3

Teachers who Bully

We have heard of Bullies before. Typically, we think of kids who bully kids. 1 out 5 children admit to being a bully and every 7 minutes a child is bullied. A child can be pushed around physically, taunted, and spoke to with threats from their abuser. But what if the abuser is the one they should trust, their teacher?

Teachers take on a lot of different trials that most people do not, many children at once. I am sure that it can be challenging at times but my theory is that my 14-year-old daughter has been a victim of bulling from a teacher. Some would call this picking on, or pointing out, or even really no big deal. I call it Teacher bullying a kid.

What does this 8th grade teacher do to her? Tells her and the class to Shut up, tells her to sit down every time she needs help, calls her names, threatens her and the class that they are all failing, tells them that they are bad kids and she is going to video tape them and put it on the news, throws books at the kids, and completely humiliates them in front of their peers.

So how do the children act now, including my daughter? They feel the need to stick up for themselves and their peers, which ultimately turn out in talking back to the teacher. They have complained about her and have told other teachers and guidance counselors and they say that they cannot do anything because that is their peer. Now, because of this one teacher, the children are starting to act out to other teachers when they feel they are being treated poorly or things are unfair (even if this is not the case).

What should someone do about this? Well, when no one hears you as the parent or the child nothing much can be done. They will not even take my daughter out of the class. I have spoken to this teacher many of times and she does nothing but lie and pretend that she has no clue what I am talking about. In my daughter’s years of school she has NEVER complained about a teacher like this so I know at least half of what she says is true.

I have a conference with this Teacher today. It should be interesting. I have the guidance counselor sitting in so it does not get out of hand. This woman has hit my last nerve after telling my daughter that she had to make up two tests and do 20 algebra problems a day before her Volleyball game. Why am I mad? Because all of the other kids and her were told that they had until the progress reports to complete that which is like 4 weeks away. The real reason she changed her mind with my daughter is because she wanted to get back at her for telling me so much about the class.

Teachers who bully should be fired! There is a big difference between having a bad day and being the one who disrupts the class daily. I thought this was for the children to do? I will keep you all posted. Make sure to always stand up for what is right!

Rebecca

 ps. My daughter got an inside suspention for talking back to a teacher (this has never happened before) and the same day a kid punched someone in the face and got a lunch suspension.

Is the Father of your Child NOT visiting him/her?

It has been 14 years since our daughter was born. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I had been told, not but 2 months prior, that I had a 5% chance of conceiving so you could imagine my surprise. Sadly, my then boyfriend was not happy at all. In fact he tried to run me off the street while I was driving because he was so angry at ME?

The Father and I did not make it. There were many reasons, Abuse, Alcohol issues, drug issues, and he cheated on me. I finally left him when I was 6 months pregnant. After I had our baby I moved 2,000 miles away to remove myself from his venom. During this time I did try to stay in contact with him about our daughter. I also sent him pictures and had a picture of him on the refrigerator and told her that this was her Daddy. He showed NO interest outside of one time when I flew back for the paternity test that he requested.

As a couple of years went by I thought it would be safe to move back. I was mentally prepared to handle him, so I thought. At this point he had gotten another girl pregnant and was a Father to his son. I did let him see our daughter but it would be halted every couple of months because of something to do with behavior or drinking and even drugs one time. I could not let him do this to our daughter.

I went on to marry when she was 4 and had my other daughter and son. My 14 yo daughter’s Father has simply been a joke for 14 years. My daughter does not understand WHY he does not see her. WHY he cares for her Brother more then her (he is not with that Mother anymore either…cheated again). Her Birthday was last week and of course, no call, no card, NOTHING!

This poor girl has been put through the ringer with him. He has chosen alcohol over her. He is in complete Denial. He has no clue what he has missed out on and he cannot get those years back. She did see him in October and he got in a car accident. The first thing he asked for after the car accident was GUM (to hide the alcohol). He did not ask her how she was! My daughter woke up that day and saw him for what he really was…an alcoholic.

Sadly, his family will not intervene nor will his current girlfriend because she enables him. My daughter is now angry and wants to see him punished for is behavior. He has never received a DUI (Luck), and courts do not punish parents for neglect or abandonment. I tell my daughter that he will have to deal with God in the end like the rest of us. His punishment now is not seeing her…he punishes her and himself.

My daughter is a beautiful girl with a lot going for her. She is athletic and has a big heart. It is so sad that he will continue to miss out. It has been his choice through the years and he has made is own bed. The sad thing is that my daughter has paid for his issues. He is a manipulator, a liar, and abuses alcohol, drugs, and people. Because of this, we have had some very hard years with her.

Advice for all parents that have gone through a similar situation:

• Be there for your child no matter what! You are all they have!
• Do not over compensate for the lack of a parent. Be the best parent you can be!
• Do not try so hard with the other Parent. We think we are doing our child a favor if we try to make the other parent see them or be something they are not. It does not work. Let it go!
• Log everything! I went to court many times. Make sure to log calls, visits etc.
• If you believe that the other parent is under the influence CALL THE POLICE! You need record of this in order to save your child.
• Do not speak with the other parent if they are abusing the conversation. Tell them to get a lawyer!
• Go with your gut! You are the parent that has raised this child! Never second guess yourself!
• You may find yourself in contempt of court, but if your child is around alcohol, drugs, and abuse, do not let them go there! Until, this parent gets help…it will not change.
• Ask the court to have this parent assessed for Alcohol and other drugs. It is easier when your children get older because it is no longer hear say. It is hard when you know the truth but the kids are young and cannot be a witness.
• Reach out to others who understand.
• Most importantly, tell your child that this other parent does not DEFINE who they are as a person.

Life is what it is! Our job is to protect our children from all dangers even if that includes the other parent. We do not have to answer to them if they have chosen this path. We must help our children understand that it is not their fault and that they will be ok.

Rebecca Lomis-Stephan

Will you watch the Tonight Show with Jay Leno after O’Brien was booted?

Milwaukee Moms

Will you watch the Tonight Show with Jay Leno after O’brien was booted?

What really happened? Is it really a big deal? Not really but the bottom line is that O’Brien got the shaft! This is what took place:

1)      O’Brien was chosen to replace Jay Leno for the tonight show five years ago.

2)      Jay Leno was supposed to just retire.

3)      Leno decided to start a new show in primetime “The Jay Leno show”

4)      Ratings were poor because of the three shows with one break with the news.

5)      NBC decides that one must go. They chose to let the Jay Leno show go.

6)      Fired O’Brien and replaced him with Leno.

7)      O’Brien is out and Jay is in.

How fair was that to O’Brien? The good news is that Fox will probably pick him up since they do not have much at late night. But nonetheless he got the shaft!

What are your thoughts?

How to get your children to do their chores

by Rebecca Lomis-Stephan

Ok, so we know that children really do not like to work. How many times do you struggle in a day to make sure your child is learning responsibility? Well, it does not have to be as hard as it seems. I have come up with a method that works for ages 2 to 18.

This is a point system (I am sure others have come up with it) and here is how it works.

First you create a calendar of chores and add the days of the week and separate it by children as seen below.

Give each child a choice between 2-3 things they can do and add the point value to each one.

Example:

Kitchen 5 points

Dishes 2 points

Garbage  (whole house) 3 points

Do this every day of the week Monday-Saturday. I have Saturdays our “Big cleaning day” so they get 12 points for cleaning for 3 hours.

I also give them points on Sunday: 5 points for going to Church and 5 for good behavior.

I give them points Monday -Saturday for Homework, good behavior and Tests or quizzes graded and shown to me A’s-C’s.

Here is the trick. Each child must have the following depending on age. Younger ones need fewer points then the older children.

Example:

Daily they must have 13 points to watch TV, play DS, talk on the phone, etc.

Weekly they must have 60 points to sleep over at a friends houses, go to a Bday party, go to the park etc.

Monthly they must have 240 points to go do something like to the movies with friends or buy something like a game or a new outfit or money.

With this I have a calendar for each child on a clipboard with the points and chores. They can fill in their own calendar or I do with upcoming events to work for. see below

 

 

Remember the most important part: YOU always use pencil to write things in and tally their points for each day. Why? Because there are points to be removed for bad behavior, talking back, hitting, lying, D’s and F’s on tests etc.

This works like a charm! If you have any questions feel free to comment.

Good Luck!

Rebecca

BarlowGirl, Superchick and Vota play at Foxriver Christian church

FoxRiver Cristian Church hold a concert with BarlowGirl, SuperChick, and Vota- Sunday September 27th, 2009

By Rebecca Lomis-Stephan

What do you on a Sunday evening? Take your teens to an excellent, spirtual, rocking concert! This concert held by our Church, FoxRiver, was one of the greastest concerts I have ever been at. My daughters are 11 and 13 and enjoyed the concert.

God spoke to hundreds of teenagers, younger children, adults, and members of the church and other churches on Sunday evening. There were lights, smoke machines, dancing, and of course great Christian music.

BarlowGirl were the feature band with their well known hits like “I need you to Love me”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QaM8l4Pn8c

Superchick was also rocking with their hit “We Live”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCxZvD_wZ6I

Vota, a new Christan band, was awesome as well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXruyT3ziUU

Next concert in WI will be in Madison on October 3rd, 2009 HIgh Point Church 800-965-9324

This is a great concert and I encourage all to go!!

Rebecca

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